I’ll start by saying this – I’m not ungrateful. I am thankful for many things in my life right now, as challenging as it is. But I’m certainly not looking forward to Thanksgiving Day this year. I wished I was working so I’d have an excuse, but both jobs are closed.
So here’s the cast of characters:
Aunt D. – she lives next door, and is the only one who has seen me week to week wearing feminine clothes and makeup. She’s a hardcore republican who sends emails about how Obama and democrats ruin everything. On halloween I was wearing lipstick. She thought it was a costume. Her boyfriend is much the same.
Aunt K. – The most levelheaded and liberal of my aunts, she is the one I get along with most. And possibly the only one I actually like. Her boyfriend is also similar.
Aunt L. – She’s a fairly conservative biker with a biker husband. They’re fairly educated, and very opinionated and blunt. PC is not part of their vocabulary. He’s an immature pain in the….yeah…sometimes, but under that they both mean well.
Uncle R. – He talks like an Italian gangster. He is not above pointing out flaws and making fun. And “faggot” and “n***er” are words that are not uncommon for him. Not a holiday goes by without a gay joke. Not purposefully mean, but totally inconsiderate.
Grandma – soft spoken, quiet, 92. Enough said.
I haven’t seen these people in about a year. The last time, I wore an earring in one ear, my hair was only a few inches long, and i was wearing men’s clothes. I got comments about the hair and shaved beard.
This year I’ll be sporting pigtails, a pair of earrings, some makeup, and androgynous, feminine leaning clothing. And a mysterious gender-based tattoo.
I won’t correct my name. I won’t correct my gender. I might quip back if someone says something about how I look, but I’ll tolerate it. I won’t make a scene. I won’t make this Thanksgiving “that Thanksgiving when…” But if someone calls me out, if someone whips out “you look like a girl,” after a couple glasses of wine, I’ll have no choice. “That’s the idea.”
I have to come out to them eventually. But the later the better. The more established I am, the more legal documents in place (the name change is in progress), the better.
My girlfriend is coming this year. Only Aunt D and K have met her. Hopefully that will be enough of a distraction. Hopefully they’ll be tame with her there. But probably not, if history means anything.
So keep the wine coming. Keep the food coming. And keep the clock moving. At least Christmas is hosted at my house. And yes, I am hanging a Natalie stocking. Whether my mother takes it down or not, well…
Today is also the Transgender Day of Remembrance, where all the lives taken by murder or suicide are recognized and mourned. I think this is a super important part of the community. 40% of trans people attempt or commit suicide. 1 in 12 are murdered. I wanted to make an event, but unfortunately I couldn’t find one that fit my schedule, so instead I’ll take my own moment to reflect on the victims of transphobia today. I hope you do the same.
So I’ll be back and posting again the week after Thanksgiving. I deserve a week off from blogging, right? Rest assured, when I come back, I’ll still be fighting like a grrrl.